Bringing Family Together

What is kinship care? How does it happen and what is the process? Marie, Matt, and Anna spoke with us this month to shed some light on kinship care.

Please introduce yourselves.

Marie: I am Marie, I am the grandma of the children and the mother of their dad. I am fostering the middle child.

Anna: Hi, I’m Anna. I’m the sister of the dad and I foster the youngest child. 

Matt: I’m Matt. I’m the brother of the dad and I am fostering the oldest child. 

What is kinship foster care in your own words?

Marie: Kinship care is a family coming together to take care of a child in need and, even though it may be difficult, trying to keep the parents in the loop.

Anna: Adding on to that, I would say that it’s more direct than traditional foster care because you would already know the child you are caring for.

Matt: I would describe kinship care as families taking care of other family members due to unforeseen circumstances. 

What was your journey like to become kinship foster parents? Was the process long? Was there a lot of paperwork? Was it a difficult process?

Marie: I’m not sure we are the best judges of this because this is the third time that the older children have been removed, so the process may have been smoother for us than it may be for others.

Matt: For the child in my care, the process went really fast because it was an emergency placement. There was a decent amount of paperwork, but it only took about 3 weeks for the child to be placed in my care.

Anna: Just to further elaborate, because the children had been in foster care before, the paperwork was sort of self explanatory for us. We already knew what to expect. I also think that having classes available online and the flexibility of schedules made the process to become certified kinship foster parents easier. 

Matt: Plus, being family, we knew the placement was coming. 

Why did you choose New Directions?

Marie: I was the first to have a child placed with me and New Directions was recommended to me through a Department of Social Services caseworker.

Anna and Matt: For us, it was a little different. New Directions sort of chose us, instead of us choosing them.

Anna: For me, it was brought up at a court date about whether I would be interested in kinship care and I said yes. 

Matt: For the oldest child, she was already in another foster care placement with New Directions, so when she was placed with me I just sort of inherited that.

What are some of the most challenging aspects of fostering?

Marie: The most challenging thing for me has been making time for visits and keeping the foster care team in the loop with what I’m doing because I am so used to being able to do what I would like with my grandchildren as their grandmother. 

Matt: It was a challenge to go from being a single guy to someone taking care of a teenager. Plus, I would agree with what my mom said, there is a lot of oversight that you just aren’t used to as a family member. 

Anna: I also agree. I think that before certification it was easier to plan fun trips and such. Now I have to wait for approval for things I didn’t have to wait for before. There are different rules now.

Matt: I’d also like to mention that it can be tricky to navigate family relationships because it’s not just the child that you are caring for who has a relationship with the parents, as a family member, you have a relationship with the parents too. It can be challenging to maintain the boundaries that you may have set for yourself with the parents of the child, while still providing opportunities for the child(ren) in your care to have a relationship with their parents.

Anna: At the beginning, one of the most challenging aspects was finding immediate daycare/childcare placement for the child(ren) during the workday and the financial stress before the stipend comes in. 

Matt: Honestly, even with the stipend and help from the agency, you should be prepared for a financial change. You are still caring for another person that you weren’t before.

Marie and Anna: The paperwork and the process itself can also be intrusive. The system is not very flexible and it’s difficult to get the plan adjusted.

Matt: I agree. As a family member, you know the children that you are caring for really well. You know what things they will be willing to try and what things they will probably shut down completely. It can be really frustrating trying to get the plans adjusted to meet the children where they are at. 

What has been the most rewarding aspect of fostering?

Marie: I think that kinship care has brought our family closer together. I also think that we work really well together to support the children and maintain the relationship that the children have with each other.

Matt: I agree. I also think it is really rewarding to see how much the children have grown. The oldest child seems healthier, more stable, and she is doing better in school.

Anna: Yeah, watching the growth of the children and seeing them achieve childhood milestones is very rewarding - especially for the youngest child that I am caring for. I am glad that I was able to provide a space for that.

Matt: Even the middle child that my mom is caring for has grown exponentially given the resources and guidance that has been provided. I also think that New Directions has opened up a lot of avenues that we may not have known about before.

Anna: Being able to be there for any child is rewarding, but it’s especially nice to be able to support a child that you already know and love.

What advice would you give new kinship foster parents?

Marie: Don’t be afraid to reach out to your caseworker or agency because even if they don’t know the answer, they will find out for you. Our worker has been really good with that. Also, there are online support groups and online trainings that can really help.

Anna: Utilize the support offered to you and make sure that you set healthy boundaries for yourself and the children. Even though you may love someone a lot, you still have to do what is best for the child.

Matt: I agree. You need to set healthy boundaries with both the child(ren) in your care and the parents. You also have to be adaptable and open to quick changes. It’s always changing. Your relationship is going to change with the child, much like it did for me. I went from a cool uncle to a father figure and that was a rapid change for both the child and I.

What advice would you give people thinking about kinship foster care?

Marie: If you’re thinking about kinship care, just understand that it is a change. It’s a wonderful change, but you need to prepare yourself a little bit. 

Anna: I agree. If you are thinking about kinship care, you should think about trying to prepare yourself as best you can. Taking on a child is a big responsibility and changing aspects of your life might make the transition a little smoother - if you have the time. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so making sure you are in a good place first can really help.

Matt: Yeah, you might not always have the time to make the adjustments that you’d like to before a child is placed with you - especially if it is an emergency placement, so just try the best that you can. Everything in the end will play out the way that it is supposed to play out.

Marie: It can be really hard to say no, but you need to keep in mind your own limits. I would’ve loved to take in all three of my grandchildren, but I knew that it was something that I just wasn’t able to do. I’m glad they were able to stay with family.

Anna: Make sure that your village is ready as well. If you live with others, make sure that they are prepared for the change as well. Bringing a child into your home will affect everyone there. 

Matt: Additionally, you should make sure that you are prepared for the age that you are caring for - in terms of the items in your home, mentally, and emotionally. What you will need for a teen will greatly differ from what you will need for an infant.

Is there anything that you think people should know about New Directions?

Marie and Anna: New Directions is great. They are very responsive and informative.

Anna: Especially Ashley! But I imagine that the rest of the agency is great too. The trainings and the resources that they offer are also really helpful. 

Matt: Even with how frustrating the system and process can be, New Directions is always very helpful and there for us.